Friday 4 September 2009

Supersize v Superskinny | Series 1 Episode 1 | Tatiana & Sandra

19 year old Tatiana weighs 6st 9lbs (93lbs) and her BMI is just 15 - thanks to her tiny portions. Sandra on the other hand is very overweight at 23st 4lbs (326lbs) due to her late-night comfort eating.
Also, follow Gillian McKeith as she tries to reduce the size of Britain's arses and Anna Richardson as she tries out a bizarre model diet.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0xMz4EYaa2s
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z_vSiGYhAjc
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=t-9JcjNvDf8
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kK9O4uP06Iw
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nayw_t1Md10

Happy Watching :)

Sunday 2 August 2009

5 reasons why you shouldn't purge today.

So, you feel you've eaten too much, or maybe you have eaten to much, and often in this situation it's very tempting to purge, especially if you feel particularly bad about yourself, but here are 5 quick reasons not to, and if I can get through to just one person I will feel satisfied.
  1. The damage done by over-eating can be fixed by exercising and cutting your calorie intake for a few days, but the damage done by purging can last a lifetime - even years after your recover from an eating disorder your teeth may be yellow, you could suffer from cancers of the gullet, mouth and throat and your gag reflex may not return to it's original state.
  2. You will still've absorbed some of the calories. Your body begins to absorb calories from the minute food and drink enters your body, so it's impossible to get them all out.
  3. Think about whether you'll really feel better. I know purging just depresses me further. The guilt I experience whilst binging is replaced by the guilt of knowing I'm damaging my body.
  4. If you don't do it just this time then that will make it easier to stop next time and it could help break the cycle.
  5. Just think, this could be the time that it goes very wrong. You can die from bulimia, cardiac arrest caused by electrolyte imbalances or low potassium levels is one of the more common causes and it could happen to you. Do you really want to die because of this disease?

Stay safe darlings.

Happy reading :)

Tuesday 21 July 2009

Dana: The 8 year old anorexic.

Dana is 8 years old, and shortly after her 8th birthday she began dieting, which quickly turned into anorexia nervosa.
She's been put into Rhode's Farm, a clinic for children and young adults suffering from anorexia nervosa and bulimia nervosa, for 12 weeks in a hope that she'll recover.

http://www.veoh.com/browse/videos/category/educational/watch/v16140109X8ZMecHB
http://www.veoh.com/browse/videos/category/educational/watch/v161401116M8tZ2D5

It's really interesting as you really see how it has effected Dana's family.

Happy Watching :)

Saturday 11 July 2009

I. Love. This. Website.

http://www.dietandfitnesstoday.com/
It's packed full of resources and essential information. Find out your BMI, body fat percentage, waist-to-hip ratio (whether you're an apple or pear shape) and how many calories you're burn sitting down - to name a few things.

Have a look around, maybe print some things out.

Happy Reading :)

Friday 10 July 2009

Calorie Restriction.

When I say calorie restriction I'm talking about eating a daily calorie intake of roughly 1,200 - 1,800, maybe a little more or less depending on the person. I don't mean a couple of hundred calories each day.

It's something that's interested me, but I've never really bothered to look it up until now. I found an interesting article in the New York Magazines website: http://nymag.com/news/features/23169/ and it definately provided me with some information.
Firstly, I was surprised by the amount of calories eaten. All of the people mentioned in the article eat 1,300 calories or over.
Secondly, they didn't seem particularly obsessed with their weight at all, it was more about health over all.

I was first introduced to the concept of Calorie Restriction (sometimes referred to as CR or CRON, which stands for Calorie Restriction Optimum Nutrition) when I read the blog of Dylan, ex-maintainer of the Livejournal Proanorexia website and argueably quite the sociopath. I was slightly intrigued but decided that obsessing with my weight was enough, I simply didn't have the energy to find out how much zinc, vitamin K, sodium etc everything I consumed contained.

But now, as the thought of recovery occasionally skims through my mind, it is becoming more of an option. I'd be eating more, I'd be eating healthily and my weight wouldn't zoom up. Could CR be the answer for me and others suffering from eating disorders?

Right now I don't feel ready for recovery, but I hope one day I'll embrace it, perhaps with the help of calorie restriction.

Wednesday 8 July 2009

My Big Fat Eating Disorder.

I didn't write this, but I like it.
"My Big Fat Eating Disorder."

I have an eating disorder. Not Bulimia or Anorexia but EDNOS. This means that i alternate between puking and starving. I also have rules. Bread has to be eaten in even numbers. Cake is evil. Carbohydrates are secretly plotting against me. Diet Coke is the elixir of youth and beauty.

My EDNOS is 19 years old. It started out as Anorexia when i was 15. Then i progressed to Bulimia, otherwise known to some as a failed anorexic. My weight fluctuates between slightly overweight, slightly underweight and somewhere inbetween. Which proves that my methods of losing weight aren't that efficent, but this is not about logic. This is not about doing the right things like eating less and exercising more. This is not about being sensible or healthy or a shining example of mental health. This is not about Jamie Oliver and his organic pig testicles. This is not about looking good on the beach and wanting to be a supermodel. This is not about wanting the cute guy in the coffee shop to beg for your telephone number. This is not about sliding a pair of skinny jeans over your hip-bones and laughing all the way to the check-out till.

This is not about wanting attention until complete strangers force feed you Black Forest Gateaux and siphon double cream into your skinny latte.It is not about deliberately pissing off the nurses by hiding your peas under your fork and stashing butter in the bed pans. It is not about starving for all the children in Africa. It is not about reading the magazines and pining for the Body Mass Index of Paris Hilton’s pet Chihuahua. This is not a conspiracy created by the Patriarchal system to oppress women.

This is about having the self-esteem of a gnat’s arse. This is the polite way of committing suicide. This is about having no life because it’s impossible to order a bowl of dry cereal in a restaurant and ask them to hold the raisins. This is about weighing pasta, cereal, raisins and anything that passes your lips, including toothpaste. This is about secrets and lies and shame. This is about not wanting to admit that you need to eat. That you deserve to live.

This is about being scared. This is about being terrified. Of everything.

This is about control. This is about sex. This is about putting relationships on hold until your thighs don’t meet in the middle and by then you have no libido anyway. This is about hiding under layers of clothing that are mostly black. This is about “Please don’t look at me and cover all the mirrors with black crepe.” This is about avoiding the camera, even at your sister’s wedding. This is about intense self hatred.

This is about needing so much that you can’t stand it. This is about having emotions that bubble up and spill out all over the carpet and stink up the whole house. This is about having too many choices and too much pressure and isn’t it easier just to keep it simple and obsess about the amount of calories in a small cantaloupe? Instead of making big scary choices that might crush you to a pulp?

This is about wanting to be safe. This is about wanting to curl up in a nutshell like Thumbelina and ignore the big bad world that’s too noisy and dangerous and can’t be trusted. This is about not trusting anyone and relying on food (or lack of) to give you an all enveloping comfort blanket when the medication bloats you up like a corpse in a river.

This is about really crappy coping methods. This is about making a choice that will quite possibly kill you. This is about failed relationships, waiting lists, devastated families, waiting lists, becoming vegetarian, becoming vegan, becoming lactose intolerant, developing a wheat allergy and more waiting lists. This is about infertility, rotten teeth, and hollow bones. This is about cardiac arrest in a shopping centre. This is about being sick. This is about not being sick enough. This is about finally being sick enough for a bed in a unit until you drop down dead and you get a mention in the local paper for being such a model student.

This is not about food.

Sunday 5 July 2009

Exercises to add to your workout.

There're two problems with doing the same workout day in day out. The first is that it's hopelessly dull and the second is that when your body gets so used to doing them it adjusts, you don't work as hard and therefore you burn fewer calories.
So, if you're lacking ideas and exercises to spice up your workout with then here are a few.

Mountain Climbers - A challenging calisthenic exercise which works the core and legs whilst increasing the heart rate.
Begin in a pushup position on the hands and toes. Bring the right knee in towards the chest, resting the foot on the floor. Jump up and switch feet in the air, bringing the left foot in and the right foot back. Continue alternating the feet as fast as you safely can for 30-60 seconds.
http://exercise.about.com/b/2009/04/14/exercise-of-the-week-mountain-climbers.htm

Burpees - A difficult but do-able calisthenic exercise.
Begin in a squat position with your hands on the floor in front of you. Kick your feet back into a pushup position. Immeadiately return your feet to the squat position. Leap up as high as possible from the squat position.
http://www.rosstraining.com/articles/burpeeclip.htm

Jump Squats - An easy calisthenic exercise that will work your legs and keep your heart pumping.
Begin in a squat position with your hands on the back of your head. Jump up quickly with as much power as possible. Land in the squat position again.
http://mrjefffitnessfun.files.wordpress.com/2009/06/squat_jump.jpg

Jumping Jacks - One of the most simple cardiovascular exercises possible that is unfortunately often ignored.

Happy Reading :)

Exercise Playlist.

Just thought I'd share my exercise playlist for those looking for inspiration for their own playlist.
  • Circus - Britney Spears.
  • Naive - The Kooks.
  • Paper Planes - MIA.
  • Heartbeat - Scouting For Girls.
  • Boyfriend - Alphabeat.
  • Disturbia - Rihanna.
  • Bette Davis Eyes - Leighton Meester.
  • Perfect Day - Hoku.
  • Rabbit Head (Raise It Up) - Florence and the Machine.
  • Speakerphone - Kylie Minogue.
  • Mad About The Boy - Ava Leigh.
  • Harder, Better, Faster, Stronger - Daft Punk.
  • Hot + Cold - Katy Perry.

Daft Punk, Kylie Minogue and Alphabeat are my workout music must haves, they're songs are so energetic.

Happy Reading :)

Wednesday 24 June 2009

This is just to say...

I've added a little people counter to the blog (see sidebar).
It's mainly so I can see how popular the blog is.

Happy Reading :)

Calorie Density.

I've started using calorie density to grade foods.
For those who don't know, basically to work out calorie density find out the amount of calories per 100g and divide that number by 100.
Some articles on it:
http://www.calorieking.com/foods/caloriedensity.php?partner
http://www.sofeminine.co.uk/mag/health/d2742/c71296.html
http://www.futurepundit.com/archives/004305.html

I find it helps me when choosing what to eat and gives me a little more control over food.

Happy Reading :)

Sunday 21 June 2009

3 Reasons To Take Multivitamins.

On a very low calorie diet but not sure whether to take multi-vitamins? Here are 3 reasons why you should:

  1. They can decrease cravings. If you've taken a multi-vitamin containing calcium, for example, there's less chance of you craving ice cream because your body doesn't need to top up on calcium and wont make you hungry for it.
  2. They can help improve your skin, hair + nails. Your skin, hair + nails can really suffer if you have a diet deficient in vitamins + minerals such as Beta Carotene and Vitamin B.
  3. If you're deficiant in various vitamins you're more prone to insomnia. A lack of magnesium, calcium and B vitamins - amongst others - can all contribute to insomnia.

I've heard great things about Biotin and many people recommend pre-natal multivitamins, but many store brands are good too.

Happy Reading :)

Wednesday 17 June 2009

Video: I'm A Child Anorexic.









Excellent, bittersweet, informative documentary. Not to be missed!

Happy Watching :)

Sunday 14 June 2009

Don't Die For A Diet.



Excellent video, I'd really like it if others posted this video on their blogs and/or websites, to show they're against pro-anorexia.

Happy Watching :)

Anorexia - Girl.

I'm not sure of the actual name of this documentary, I think it's called "Anorexia - Girl", but I could be wrong.
Anyway, it's a British documentary about a girl called Katie who suffers from anorexia nervosa. It particularly focuses on her relationship with her mother as her family and a team of physciatrists try and put a less than enthusiatic Katie through a recovery programme.
In the beginning Katie pissed me off, but as she gets more talkative the documentary improves.

Not the best ED related documentary out there, but I'd say worth a watch.

Happy Watching :)

Wednesday 10 June 2009

Exercise resources.

I will fully update you on my life and why I haven't been posting tomorrow.

For now, here are some links for great cardio exercise information:
http://www.fitnesstrainerstogo.com/cardio/
http://www.dummies.com/how-to/content/following-a-cardio-plan-for-weight-loss.html


Happy Reading :)

Thursday 4 June 2009

Liquid fasted.

38 kcalories from 1 low-cal hot chocolate (Options) and that my dears is it.

I'll update points later.
Watching the Fearne Cotton documentary and soon (when YouTube works properly again) I plan on posting some episodes of Intervention.

Happy Reading :)

Points.

-15 for over-eating and purging (wasn't a binge, just a large meal).
+9 for water & exercise.

Fasting tomorrow (:

Tuesday 2 June 2009

Points for Mon & Tues.

Monday.
Under max intake: +10 points.
30 minutes exercise: +2 points.
6 glasses of water: +6 points.
__________
18 points.
Tuesday.
Under max intake: +10 points.
8 glasses of water: +8 points.
150 minutes exercise: +10 points.
________
28 points.

I haven't done any exercise yet today, the points for tuesday will change.

Calories today :)

Breakfast:
-1 small bowl of porridge; 89 kcalories.
-1/2 spoon of sugar; 8 kcalories.
-1 glass of sf cordial; 4 kcalories.
=101 kcalories.
Lunch:
-1 large baked potato; 278 kcalories.
-1 serving of tomato ketchup; 15 kcalories.
-1/2 cup of cabbage; 17 kcalories.
=310 kcalories.
Dinner:
-1 serving of rice and lentils; 200 kcalories.
-2 glasses of sf cordial (different type); 12 kcalories.
-10 grapes; 20 kcalories.
-232 kcalories.
Total:
=648 kcalories.

Monday 1 June 2009

Calories today :)

75ml milk - 36 kcalories (used a little less than usual).
1 weetabix - 50 kcalories (left some).
3/4 teaspoon of sugar - 12 kcalories.
1 small baked potato - 160 kcalories.
1 serving of tomato ketchup - 15 kcalories.
1 quorn escalop thing - 243 kcalories.
70g peas - 44 kcalories.
1 small bowl of porridge - 89 kcalories.
1/2 spoon of half spoon sugar - 8 kcalories.
1/2 a cup of pineapple - 68 kcalories.
=725 kcalories.
I think I had a little less than that because I used a little less than the amounts.
I have 275 kcalories left.
IDK if I'll eat anything else, I quite like that amount.
I feel like I've eaten too much :/

Sunday 31 May 2009

Weight Loss Competition.

Just letting you know I'm in a blogger Weight Loss Competition: weightlosscomp.

I'll be charting my progress on my blog.

Happy Reading :)

Saturday 30 May 2009

Dying To Be Anorexic.

A British documentary about 2 girls, Lavinia and Katie, who have both suffered from mental illnesses and are immersing themselves in the pro-anorexia in an effort to lose weight.
Unfortunately it wont embed and
  1. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QutWE572KKE
  2. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jvJxxnoSFLM
  3. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uGPC209kgwQ
  4. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jMW2tUgsdVM
  5. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DApycBpjMTc
  6. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d8PJ_YF6RHI
  7. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rvclZXGKrcc
  8. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QuTpV-HcLiU
  9. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xfNLK8jArCg
  10. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KNREmtl5Ge4
  11. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8G4jeDpzggk
  12. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GmtOcwBBKjI

It's a good documentary, but sad in parts.

Happy Watching :)

Back from my holidays.

It was very beautiful, lots of walking and swimming and diving which made me feel better about the disgusting amount of food eaten. I binged once and naturally threw up without purging. It was rather virulent (sp).

I have a weightloss goal for this week of 2lbs. Not much I know, but it will take me to a weight I haven't been for say... 2 months? I've basically maintained, occasionally slipping down then back up.
I believe the motivation of the scale going down will motivate me to lose more and go further.

Resources For You :)
http://www.nhlbisupport.com/bmi/ - BMI Calculator.
http://www.everydiet.org/ - Reviewing a very wide variety of diets, plans and lifestyles.
http://www.something-fishy.org/ - A pro-recovery website about eating disorders with lots of information.
http://www.wisegeek.com/what-does-200-calories-look-like.htm - A look at just how much you can eat for 200 calories.

Happy Reading :)

Sunday 17 May 2009

Feeling awfully depressed,

so, my apologies if I don't post as much.
I partly blame it on PMS, I'm usually worse around the time of my period. Hmm, life was so much easier without it. I'm considering going on the pill, but here the weight gain is hell :/

Purged today after a large dinner. It was very quick, I got it out soon after I'd eaten it so I barely had time to digest any. I had a sugar-free, calorie-free ice pop after to soothe my throat and it seemed to work, it didn't burn as much as usual.

I'm holiday-ing on Friday for about a week, so I need to shift at least a little weight in a hurry, so, plan:

Breakfast + Lunch: Nothing but fruits and vegetables.
Dinner: Something low-fal and low-calorie.
Drinks: Water, herbal tea.
Snacks: Fruit/vegetables.

I'm not posting the Louise Redknapp documentary because the only videos I found were horrible quality, sorry.

Happy Reading :)

Saturday 16 May 2009

In April, this documentary was shown on ITV in the UK. Fearne uncovered the "truth" about the rise in pro-anorexia sites. I do not necessarily agree with all that's said here, but it's a good watch all the same.







Might post the Louise Redknapp documentary up later.
Stay stay lovelies, keep smiling.

Happy Watching :)

Binged today?

I went to a birthday thing.
Started out with salad, but then the cake came out. Home-made chocolate cake with thick buttercream. Needless to say it's gone down hill since then.
I'd like to think I've burnt most of it off (S has both a trampoline and they had a bouncy castle, we went nuts as if we were 5 again), but I'm not optomistic. (NTS: learn to spell "optomistic")

So, anyway, here I am watching the Eurovision with a slight purge face - it was so pointless, not having a toothbrush, which is the only thing I can effectively purge with as my gag reflex is fucked.
I'm actually considering getting Ipecac Syrup, yes, the thing known to cause fatal heart problems. Bulimia wins again :/

I plan on posting up the Fearne Cotton documentary about pro-anorexia sites up.

Happy Reading :)

Thursday 14 May 2009

Video: Desperately Hungry Housewives.

This documentary, aired on BBC3 several weeks ago, shows that it's not just teenage girls who suffer from eating disorders. With no mention of the media until very near the end, it shows how EDs are illnesses, not extreme diets.
Youtube is being a whore, so at the moment I can only post the links. I will embed the videos when I get a chance.







It's a fascinating, excellent watch. Please, please watch.

Happy Watching :)

Sunday 10 May 2009

Control is mine again?

I can do it.
I can say it.
"I never want to eat again."
I can mean it.

In November/December, when I was at my worst, I could say it. I meant it. I'd recite it and feel proud. Or sometimes I'd just feel drained and suicidal. Either way control was mine.

I feel so in control. I've eaten normally, but before dinner, I was emotional, I felt horrible, I was crying and feeling really shit. I ate dinner, it was disgusting, fatty, I finished it but it was a struggle, especially towards the end.

Anyway, so I think I'm tea fasting tomorrow and trying not to feel like shit.

Happy Reading :)

Monday 4 May 2009

Teas for weight loss?

I feel drinking tea is an easy way to help speed up weight loss somewhat.
Obviously you'd have to combine it with other dietary changes and some exercise, but it's a fairly effortless way to help you shift some extra pounds or at least decreasing bloat.

Green tea.
Famous for it's anti-oxidant levels and ability to increase metabolism.
Fennel.
Used for it's appetite reducing properties.
Senna.
Frequently used for it's natural laxative effects, which can reduce bloating and water retention.
Peppermint.
Favoured by the likes of Madonna and Gwyneth for it's anti-bloat properties.

Obviously any weight loss related product can be abused, so try not to rely on teas, pills etc.

Happy Drinking :)

Resources.

A couple of resources for weight management and food management.
NutritionData. - A fabulous site containing BMI & BMR calculators, nutrional facts and how to get as many various minerals as possible.
Livestrong. - TheDailyPlate's new home with tonnes of health, diet and fitness advice. With a nutrition tracker and challenges and goals you can set yourself.
Calorie Maintainance Calculator. - Enter a few details and find out how much weight you could lose each week.

Happy Reading Lovelies :)

Sunday 3 May 2009

I'm so tired now.

Drinking a 38 calorie hot chocolate and watching a crime thriller on TV. Shock reduces your appetite.
Oh, I'm a sad, obsessed person.

Happy Reading :)

Eating disorders.

I know that there may be young girls visiting this blog in search of and eating disorder.
In search of tips and advice on how to be thin, beautiful and ultimately anorexic.
Minds can be warped into thinking that to be successful you have to be Size 0. To have guys chasing after you you must be thin.
This is not the case.
Eating disorders, whether it's anorexia, bulimia or COE are both mentally and physically exhausting. You're always tired, energy goes out the window, you can't focus at all.
You get ugly. Let's face it, models are airbrushed or heavily makeup-ed. The truth is the hair on your head falls out, you get downy hair everywhere you don't want it, you become incredibly pale, you get stretch marks from your weight going up and down, you get bags under your eyes and you look ill.
You're always unhappy, insecure and thinking about food, calories, exercise, fat etc.
Your confidence goes out the window, your self-esteem hits the floor and you begin a deep hatred with yourself.
Mental illnesses associated with eating disorders.
  • Depression.
  • Obsessive Compulsive Disorder.
  • Body Dysmorphia Disorder.
  • Social Anxiety Disorder.
  • Various phobias.
  • Perfectionism.
  • Physcosis.

Physical illnesses associated with eating disorders.

  • Amenorrhoea. (loss of periods which can lead to infertility)
  • Various deficiencies. (of zinc, iron, calcium, various vitamins, glucose)
  • Low electrolyte levels.
  • Water intoxication. (which occurs especially during water fasting, can result in immeadiate death)
  • Slowed heart rate.
  • Hypothermia.
  • Frequent fainting.
  • Low blood pressure.
  • Damaged esophagus. (related to Bulimia Nervosa. Can lead to esophagus cancer)
  • Dehydration.
  • Constipation.
  • Lanugo. (Thin, downy hair all over body)
  • Intense tiredness.
  • Insomnia.
  • Thinning of hair. (On head)
  • Infertility.
  • Osteoporosis. (Brittle bone syndrome which can cause broken bones)

The ones I've italiced are the ones I've personally suffered.

My friends frequently comment on my eating, size and constant thinness, but I don't care, because I need to be thin and in control no matter what.

So go on, let dieting control you, say goodbye to the life you live now, but it's the biggest mistake you could make. I regret the time I ever went on a little diet, because now I live in a virtual hell.

Happy Reading, Stay safe<3

Yesterday I bought the Grazia...

and a Wispa (wehey for stress-eating, may I say the guilt is so not worth it) and got perved on by an old disgusting pervy man.
I did nothing to deserve this may I say and was rather pissed off, but anyway this story is beside the point.
Shortly after I met up with a girlfriend and got fabulously drunk and ate a fabulous amount. I have continued eating today, but, have also read the Grazia.
They have a new diet that promises a flatter stomach in 14 days and I must say it seems good. It involves drinking more water, eating slower, eating less, eating earlier etc and for a healthy diet it seems to be fairly sensible, especially for a diet from a fashion mag.
Click here to by the latest Grazia.

Happy Reading :)

Thursday 30 April 2009

Quick plan.

I want to lose 3lbs a week for 3 weeks.
I need to.
I will not be week, I will be in control.
I will become a little closer to perfect.
I need this.

Wishing you strength and safety,
Happy Reading.

Model diets?

Tonight I discovered a website called Model Diet Plan apparently exposing the diet and exercise secrets of various models and celebrities.
A good concept, but a little misleading, many of the models we see today are those stick-thin models that parade the catwalk in Versace and Chanel, not those with hourglass figures and curves.
However, some of the advice is good, so I probably would check it out :)

Happy Reading.

Wednesday 29 April 2009

Tomorrow,

I'd like to fruit/veg fast.
I don't know if I will, but I'll probably be able to until dinnertime, then I'll just have a various vegeterian protein.
I'll do the same the next day methinks.
I want to have fewer than 1,000 calories.

I'm fairly determined, but I don't know...

Happy Reading.

Looking to the future.

I'm so looking forward to the future.
I know when I go away to 6th form if I get my place in boarding school and go away to University I will be able to control what I eat much better, especially since noone can see what I'm eating and what I'm doing to myself.
Honestly, I do not want to be like this forever, I do want kids and a husband and a life, but it's like I have two futures: one with an eating disorder surrounding by being thin and incontrol, and another with a dream life, beautiful children, happy marriage and dream job - I know I can't have both and I know it must be difficult to have one (my controlled life) and then the other (my perfect life) because the controlled life pulls you in and I want control forever too.
Wow. This is so messed up.

Anyway, a girl on an LJ support community I use directed me to a TV programme that was on on BBC1 this week called Desperately Hungry Housewives. Click here to watch it, it's actually really good, nothing about the media, nothing about teenage girls who just want to be thin, it's very real, I really would recommend it.

I would reveal what I've eaten today, but it's disgusting and I feel ashamed. What I was happy about was eating less than my slim friend at lunch, however I'm sure I ate more than she did at dinner.

Happy Reading beauties.

Tuesday 28 April 2009

Skinny Kids.

This documentary examines the effect of idealised beauty and size has on young people today.







Happy Watching :)

Superskinny Me.

When two journalists embarked on a radical plan to help them achieve Size 00 (UK size 2) they had no idea how much it would affect their lives. Whilst Louise's body changes dramatically Kate has to cope with the mental/emotional aspects of extreme dieting.






Happy Watching girls :)

Dawn Porter - Superslim Me.

Dawn Porter is a journalist from London. Just over a year ago she engaged in an experiment to discover how difficult it is to achieve desirable Size 0.







Happy Watching :)

Sunday 26 April 2009

Hannah's Story - Hollyoaks.

As you may or may not know about 2 years ago Hannah in Hollyoaks developed anorexia nervosa. The way they portray it is actually really interesting and well done.

9/8/07 - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YH0heRHnaYM
10/8/07 - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=luIFEkpF8K8
14/8/07 - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n2Hk8Skzy0k
28/8/07 - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6H55C2HZnwY
29/8/07 - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5THtFNOKth4
30/8/07 - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jdGh3luiyDo
31/8/07 (Part 1) - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RSXF10WR2A4
31/8/07 (Part 2) - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PP4WLkdNIXI
3/9/07 - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JspcvBWCb4g
4/9/07 - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x60cVdisLng
5/9/07 (Part 1) - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b9V6k81k1SA
5/9/07 (Part 2) - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cZJ5sKtSS5I
6/9/07 (Part 1) - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yndWabNXtY8
6/9/07 (Part 2) - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FR4I2A5YD6A

17/9/07 & 18/9/07 - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z9bD2r-4Rjk
24/9/07 - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FH2ky8jZ-eM
25/9/07 (Part 1) - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mLKx2xJEYEE
25/9/07 (Part 2) - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-5AiH2FudG8
26/9/07 (Part 1) - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3VwbsYNps-A
26/9/07 (Part 2) - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-40CVIRYDS4
18/10/07 - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0KbIUZqiIbw
16/11/07 - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0KbIUZqiIbw
19/11/07 - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xGHPXqJLmis
20/11/07 (Part 1) - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xGHPXqJLmis
20/11/07 (Part 2) - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9iMqBDKO6Pc
21/11/07 - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NFAFyFtmhuo
22/11/07 - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xAU6II8JLXY
6/12/07 - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BN5-7nzoOA4
The episodes become a bit less relevant towards the end, but they're still good to watch.

Enjoy :)
Happy Watching.

Saturday 25 April 2009

Ewewewewew

I've spent today drinking and eating alcohol, it's disgusting and I hate myself for it.
I need control and I just need to be thinner, just a little bit.
I fear the scale and I don't want to go out tomorrow, but I have church with a friend, we're seeing if we like it or not. I don't even know what I believe honestly.

Anyway, I'm going to start working out, I'm determined to lose weight.
So determined.
I will do it.

Fuck recovery, fuck my body.

Happy Reading.

Friday 24 April 2009

Breakfast.

Unless I'm fasting, which I don't do all that often, I eat breakfast like 99% of the time, so I like to have a list of things that are "ok" to eat.
I never used to go over 100 kcalories if I could help it, but I'm lifting that to 150 kcalories.
Anyway, here's my list:
  • Small bowl of rice krispies, 1 green tea.
  • 1 banana, 1/2 slice of toasted rye bread.
  • 1 egg, scrambled.
  • 1 weetabix, small glass of juice.
  • 1 slice of wholemeal toast w/ low sugar or sugar free jam.

I'll most probably add more at a later date.

Breakfast is probably my favourite meal of the day, mostly because I love breakfast foods, and also the fact that it's low calorie usually eases some guilt, but I'd rather eat breakfast at lunchtime, that would ease so much guilt.

Happy Reading.

PS: I'm going to embed some youtube videos soon :)

This Is Interesting.

A Miss Universe contestant for this year weighs 7st 7lbs and is 5'10", giving her a BMI of 15.1, basically, she is malnourished.

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/worldnews/article-1172844/No-role-model-Miss-Universe-pageant-attacked-malnourished-beauty-queen.html

She claims to eat healthily.
Whatever.
She is very pretty however, but not a very good rolemodel.

Happy Reading,
stay safe girls.

1st day of recovery.

I have felt sick after every single meal.
Wow.
It feels really weird, I don't know what I want.
I'm on my period right now, so I don't know what I'm going to do, I definately want to lose weight but I when it comes down to it, I need to decide whether being healthy is more important...

Happy Reading.

To recover or not to recover, that is the question I'm currently asking myself.

Because one of my problems is bulimia I could potentially lose weight with recovery, actually, I know I probably will, I'm at my highest weight now, I was thinner before I developed an eating disorder.

Anyway, just had 1 + 1/2 a weetabix for breakfast, which is a lot for me and I feel fulllll, how weird is that? I've been eating very little recently, but binged/purged last night.

Shit, I have school in like 20 minutes, which I hate, but whatever.
Plan for today:
  1. School.
  2. Eat lunch.
  3. School.
  4. Fran's after school.
  5. Violin.
  6. Exercise.
  7. Sleep.

Not too shabby a day methinks.

Happy Reading,

Be careful girls/guys.

Thursday 23 April 2009

Thinspiration.

Photobucket
This girl is so gorgeous.
I'm envious, she must work so hard to stay thin, she's so flawless.

Happy Reading,
Stay strong, but most of all safe.

Hi.

First, this is not in anyway a pro-anorexia blog.
I despise pro-anorexia. Or calling these diseases "ana" or "mia" or any of the other pretty little names stupid girls give these disease that make it seem any less deadly.

What this site may/probably will contain:
  • Thinspiration - Not just super skinny girls with bones popping out all over the place but healthy thinspiration if I'm in a healthy emotional state.
  • Occasional rants about my eating disorders.
  • Food list - With nutrional information about various foods.
  • Meal plans.
  • General plans.
  • Various resources/links.

Happy Reading.