Looking to the future.

I'm so looking forward to the future.
I know when I go away to 6th form if I get my place in boarding school and go away to University I will be able to control what I eat much better, especially since noone can see what I'm eating and what I'm doing to myself.
Honestly, I do not want to be like this forever, I do want kids and a husband and a life, but it's like I have two futures: one with an eating disorder surrounding by being thin and incontrol, and another with a dream life, beautiful children, happy marriage and dream job - I know I can't have both and I know it must be difficult to have one (my controlled life) and then the other (my perfect life) because the controlled life pulls you in and I want control forever too.
Wow. This is so messed up.

Anyway, a girl on an LJ support community I use directed me to a TV programme that was on on BBC1 this week called Desperately Hungry Housewives. Click here to watch it, it's actually really good, nothing about the media, nothing about teenage girls who just want to be thin, it's very real, I really would recommend it.

I would reveal what I've eaten today, but it's disgusting and I feel ashamed. What I was happy about was eating less than my slim friend at lunch, however I'm sure I ate more than she did at dinner.

Happy Reading beauties.