Sunday 10 May 2009

Control is mine again?

I can do it.
I can say it.
"I never want to eat again."
I can mean it.

In November/December, when I was at my worst, I could say it. I meant it. I'd recite it and feel proud. Or sometimes I'd just feel drained and suicidal. Either way control was mine.

I feel so in control. I've eaten normally, but before dinner, I was emotional, I felt horrible, I was crying and feeling really shit. I ate dinner, it was disgusting, fatty, I finished it but it was a struggle, especially towards the end.

Anyway, so I think I'm tea fasting tomorrow and trying not to feel like shit.

Happy Reading :)

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